Things Normies Take For Granted

Art in crayon as that was all I had access to. 

Content Warning:  Mental Illness, Psychiatric Hospitalization, Possibly Implied Self Injury, Suicide. 
Helpful tip -  Reviewing Labels will also help with getting an idea of the content of my posts.  

I just returned from my 4th psychiatric hospitalization in my lifetime. I think my eyes have been puffy all week from how much crying I've been doing. I would like to revisit this topic later but for now, I wanted to focus on a specific topic as it has been on my mind the most.
The title of this blog post was from a comment from another patient while a group of us were discussing our experience(s) during our stay.


So without further delay, some things you probably take for granted

• Listening to music
  I recall listening to music twice during my stay and it was each during about 30 minute activity times, I only recall recognizing about 3 of the songs that played and in those moments feeling the music so deeply and knowing how much I missed it, being a person that almost always has music playing.
• Taking warm comfortable showers
  Crappy plumbing with showers that are barely room temperature and provide very little water in an environment that is otherwise already incredibly cold felt like torture.  However, showering was required and not showering could be used as a reason to detain you longer for being unhygienic and not taking care of your basic needs.
• Wearing your own clothes
  Being stripped of your own clothes including undergarments and put in flimsy disposable hospital scrubs feels very degrading.  Even dehumanizing.  I know often many patients expressed feeling like prisoners.
• Wearing a bra
  It seems most bras a typical person wears have underwire.  If you're used to wearing one, having it taken and being forced to socialize around other people, and do activities etc can leave a person very uncomfortable and feeling very exposed even with other clothes on.
• Having access to writing utensils other than crayons.
  Patients were only allowed crayons to write or draw with.  During all my precious psych hospitalization stays, I recall being allowed pens and pencils which I used to journal.  It is very hard to journal with a dull crayon.  I didn't even try.  I doodled some pictures.  I tried to draw the pictures I'd planned to do for the end of inktober, but they came out horrible, especially without having references.
• Being in a reasonably temperature-controlled climate or having some control over setting the temperature in the environment you're in 24/7 basically not freezing cold all day and night even with a sweater and six blankets.
  Everyone in the building was freezing all the time, I am always cold and even with long sleeves a sweater and often a blanket carried to try to stay warm, I was cold.  The staff did also express that the building was cold.
• Google at your fingertips
  Smartphones in your pocket really are an amazing thing when any question that pops into your head, anything you're wondering about, any song you can't remember, a person place or thing you're trying to recall, can all be accessed via google, on your phone at your fingers from your pocket.
• All your contact information, appointments, etc at your fingertips
  Again, we store so much information digitally which we access via our phones.
• Access to friends and family when you would like.
  Multiple facets to this, both in that you can call or visit a friend when you like, but also in that you can text or message a friend any time of day or night.
• Having access to pain medication when you need it instead of having to justify it to someone else.
  Despite all the orders in my chart for pain meds, as well as all my chronic pain conditions listed in my chart, having to tell my life story to med nurses to explain why I need pain medication for the hip and sciatic pain I've been struggling with for three days, including explaining traumatic births extremely frustrating.  My pain had been so bad the night before I couldn't get out of bed and my roommate tried to ask the staff for me and was ignored. This is not to mention my prescription for Imitrex/sumatriptan being cut into 1/4th the normal dose while I was there (and not being effective)
• Not having to worry that every action you take will be used against you
  To elaborate, being able to express your feelings, cry, get frustrated, disagree politely with someone in a position of authority above you, take a nap, express concern over your medical needs that aren't being met, without these actions being used to justify you're emotionally unstable, unpredictable, socially isolating and keep you hospitalized longer.
• Basically, not feeling like you're in preschool all over again.

There is so much more, but not things I can summarize easily. 

The majority of patients you meet in these facilities are just normal everyday people, but all struggling with the invisible mental illness you are most likely have recently experienced some form of crisis.

In a future post, I'd like to revisit addressing pros and cons and how I believe these facilities could make the experiences more positive and healing for patients that need the care.  Many patients in discussions together expressed that the experience made them less likely to seek help during a crisis in the future.

This overall topic I will likely be revisiting and be discussing quite a bit in the upcoming weeks.